Fun with Parenthesese
So I hesitatingly feel like (hesitatingly in the sense of how, when you're about to let go and release at the urinal (whose opaque sense of stasis has always kind of given me the fantods (which, hey, I'll go ahead and admit (which doesn't make it dishonest, does it? (I always had trouble saying (or thinking, really) that just because you are 100% honest and open (open being the key word here), it doesn't make you innocent of all morally conversational (and story telling-type) conventional issues (which I should point out again that the openness and all that is also straight out of Infinite Jest (David Foster Wallace), which kind of blatantly and self-explanatorily enough (coma or another parenthesis there?? (and it makes me wonder if I had to write the actual word there (parenthesis, instead of the physical () and so forth would kind of lazily force me (is that possible? (I mean to lazily force someone? (And so now I'm off track and now thinking of (or trying to remember, more appropriately) if and what my initial purpose was (which, once again brings me back to Infinite Jest in that something being done purely on a technical hyper binge is no fun (and now my mind asks if leaving the tail end of any arguments here (which usually constitutes the importand part (that's supposed to read important back there (the correction not being completely necessary, since I could've just crossed it off with the pen (which was leaking the other day, causing me quite a bit of distress and/or worry (but I'm now sure it was this exact pen, me having many pens, the catch (of like essence or essential point being that (I can't just go on without properly explaining th
at (I know that's not how you split lines (words I mean) when you run out of space on a line in a notebook (and so I'll make an exception this time and go back and clarify a point I was trying to make (as opposed to (I'm not reading back (by which I mean I'm not going back and reading so I can remember what I was talking about (that last talking I wrote kind of looks like fucking (which is not to say I went back and read it (I did no such thing) but (and now it's easier to prove, having swithed (a "c" is missing back there somewhere (and but now I want to interrupt to get back to the description of (fuck, I lost my mental point I was going to eventually make (and was going to be good, methinks (and I have no clue where I first picked up the word "methinks" (which is bullshit because even though it's not tip of the togue ("n" this time) syndrome to mak (that's make) up for the one I skipped before (it kind of makes me feel a bit more relieved in a universally balanced kind of karma-esque ( wanted to (afterwards) say kafka-esque simply because I've heard the term before (kakfa-esque) and have never heard what I wrote instead of kakfa-esque because I already forgot and so I now prove I'm not reading back (that "not" reminded me of "rot", then of dead bodies, which for some reason reminds me of the movie (Lean on me?) where the kids see a dead body next to the train tracks (which is funny because (not HAHAHA funny (no idea why the caps) oh shit where was I (as I wrote shit I remembered and felt like a hypocrite during (
during (can you do that? split the "(" (the parenthesis) like that? (doubful ("t"). Period, finally? (no no, it was supposed ('sposed) to be a - damn lost again, skipping mad letters , and so but it's funny because the train track mention brings me (as the writer, not you the reader (which I'm impressed if you're following all this) full circle back to an idea I had while I was writing but (this, writing this) didn't mention (to you, the reader) but and so does not reduce its importance (in the circle completing, back to full circle thingy) and so the train tracks (yes I'm drunk, but (you're like aha! finally some sort of rational explanation (if that is/was rational at all) and so yes, the circle closes at (and now I feel I'm betraying one of the traits of this piece (my hand and pen are STRUGGLING to keep pace here) fuck - nope not looking - I got it! I've betrayed (or felt like I did back there somewhere) the purity (nope - it wasn't purity, it was a sentence I really wanted to squeeze into this piece (way back there somewhere about how this piece (piece, ha!) I'm writing has - over time - (yeah comma, like it has 100s (hundreds, but numerically written) oh and so - (oops) ( - randomly making up for missing ( parenthesis ummm...fuck. yeah so what now has turned into an omniscient sense of urgency of getting everything I’m hit with (and by hit I mean struck by - mentally) so OK let's try and get that urgent sentence in (I don't want to stop writing) (not in the metaphysical sense of 'oh we're all gonna die' - someday) no - the (can you refer to something that was in (was) in a parenthesis outside the parenthesis? (I don't think so - parentheses (what's the plural? Pure - parenthesese? No idea, but so I don't think you can do that - parenthesees (like geese) being like little (the geese thing was referring to the plurality issue - grammar-wise (nothing to do with the idea I was trying to convey, and to whom? Nobody will probably ever fucking (it's about time I drop a god damn expletive on this piece. And so now (period or ')'?) No where I'm at) will try to limit my expletives (love this word - so elegant sounding and but still it represents (linguistically and graphically too I guess, if you look at the word on paper (or screen nowadays, what with printers (dumb - I mean computers - now playing such an important role in life these days (which should probably be removed (damn!) since I already said nowadays. And so but now I'm (how you say?--.."q"..missing something from the past - aha! reminiscing - nope - it's another word for another idea I had (not really idea - just another IJ (Infinite Jest)-related thought. Before I forget, the "q" I dropped back there was just to fuck with you (yeah! FUCK!) and now I'm scared (slash(/)) worried that I've upset the balance (I'm almost sure I touched upon this very piece (didn't sound very grammatically correct in my head either) but and so deja vu because I hit upon another IJ related (it's a book (Infinite Jest is) by DFW (David Foster Wallace), read it, it's a fucking bible but it's great (as in number of pages - not the religiosity (although some could describe my feelings towards it as being a (somewhat) religious experience. But so my original point - was (you can't suddenly use dashes (-) as parenthesese now can you? (that's not allowed) (I must interrupt to say that about 10 or 15 lines ago (in this notebook, which if I type up (just the though of trying to gives me the fantods (aha! full circle! deja vu! (not on purpose I swear to god (I can't even fucking touch that subject - not even with a (parenthesis - singular) um - fuck. Forgot again. Something about being truthful that none of this is planned (and aha (yes I love the (not love, really, god that's another one I won't touch (not even with () these guys) and so something honesty related. Oh well and refer to the point where I used the numbers 10 and 15 (I can see them out of the corner of my eye) and the idea that was supposed ('sposed) (the apostrophe (just thinking about spelling apostrophe when the word hit my head almost gave me a headache (not quite the fantods (fantods (which you wouldn't understand unless you're from Minnesota (completely random and baseless attempt at random humor) or if you've read IJ (how did this become a piece about IJ? (and how dare I keep calling this a piece? (when in fact it's like thousands of little un-interconnected thoughts and pieces of ideas which may make no ns(?) no sense (Freudian forgetting and substitution there) and so I'm hit with the (melancholic! - that's the word I was trying to hit instead of reluctantly substitute with reminiscence) but so I'm hit with the sadness revolving (or just around, no actual revolving involved (vvvvvvv)(v sounds galore) the sadness of the realization of un-infinity. Finiteness. That everything must and will come to an end. Sorry to have to put you through this. Umm, ok, no perfect ending. But I have food here and it'll get cold/ like as if you (you as in the reader) was/is here with me (and/or care about me and my food) (there is also chocolate milk on the tray). No attempt here for a grand exit or perfect ending. FUCK THAT! Oh yeah. The piece is. It stands for that (for what it is). Food time. So sad to see it end.