Television
Television is officially the devil. FOr me personally, it keeps me from doing so many things that I think are great, but that aren't particularly easy for me to sit down and do in an environment of cable tv. I'm thinking of not having one in Chicago. AM radio will be enough for the Cubbies, and the idea that I'm not obsessed with watching them on TV kind of disappoints me. It's like losing something you once had. Or having it fade. Kinda sad really.

But seriously, TV is bad. Rots the brain and all that. All I need is the movie theater. THat way I'll be able to keep reading and writing. TV is trying to take away my post paris buzz and return my mind to the mush it was before I left.

Trying to turn it back into the zombie that the nation as a whole is.

Cubs, is it over?
This is serious. THe question "is it over?" isn't about their season. It's about my obsession. I feel it gradually decreasing. Why? I mentioned already the whole players changing teams and deals being made left and right that bothers me. I don't like it. Right now it's more exciting to be a Padre fan or an Indian fan. In fact, I liked the Padres since spring training and now they are one game back of the Cubs for the Wild card.

What's the matter with me?

Hey, I love Nomar, but he isn't a part of this team. He's a Red Sox player. ALways will be. Barrett? Great deal, but he isn't part of this team. I just don't like the feel of the way the team was built. Too much like the Yankees.

"We need a bat?" Boom, got it.

We're too spoiled, if that's possible for a Cub fan to say.

It all goes back to the Steinbrenner effect (https://portocac.tripod.com/steinbrenner.htm)

Hey, maybe I'm maturing? Wouldn't that be something?

Hotel, motel, holiday inn
Long story shot, I'm in a hotel.

It's a bit of a culture shock coming back to the states after Paris. But in a good way. A good way.

Yesterday a random dude on the street tried to pick me up, and I didn't realize it until a few minutes later. I was feeling particularly good since I was coming from watching The Village down on the Common. SO I was thinking about that and about being in boston, in the US, etc. SO this random guy is walking next to me and goes "do I know you?"

"Um, no"
"Are you an actor at Emerson?"
"Um, no. But I did apply to Emerson" I was high on something and thought I was funny.

"Oh ok, you look like I've seen you in a play or something."
"nope"

Next thing I know I'm sitting down in some restaurant eating a shrimp cocktail and having a Heineken, all on him. Wait that didn't sound right, he paid for it, is what I meant.

That's when it hits me, "oh shit is this guy trying to pick me up??"

He was harmless and didn't "look" gay or act gay (yes I know how very stereotypical of me), and as I'm sitting there I'm laughing inside, "what the fuck am I doing?"

So the conversation is about teaching, philosophy, france, etc.

Finally it ends and I realize he's begging to get my phone number, which I don't have, and I give him the name of some nonexistant hotel where I'm not staying at. He gives me his cell phone number and his last words are:

"What is your name?...OK, I can't wait to see you tonight."

That was the clincher, that's when it was all settled: he was trying to pick me up. I almost ran to Borders and looked at a whole bunch of books, but I couldn't shake the sensation of feeling like, as I put it then, "such a girl"

I got a free shrimp cocktail and a beer for just sitting there and looking good (that's right!). For whatever reason it's a very empowering feeling and I can now say I better understand this behavior in women. I still don't like it, but I understand it.

Crazy huh?

Au Revoir
Well this will be the last post in Paris. I would love to post a nice, teary goodbye to Paris with all my impressions and such, but I'm writing something about it and I don't want to be repeating myself left and right. I'll post it in Writings when it's finished (along with all the other stuff). But yesterday I did go to the Pere Lachaise cemetary to go see our most famous Guatemalan, Miguel Angel Asturias. His grave wasn't listed on the chart at the entrance, and that was confusing. I asked the guy and he said it was and he showed me a map. So I took the map and found him. Cemeteries here are more like Disney world than death and "the end." They don't cause much in me. Anyway I finally found Asturias and I must say, it filled me with great pride. Not only because of all the achievements noted on the plaque, but because of the Mayan stone that stands majestically over his grave. It has Mayan carvings on it, something you really don't see anywhere else but in Guatemala and southern Mexico. What made me so proud is that so many people walked by while I sat across the way and were frozen in their tracks by the sight of this Mayan stone. They would stop, get closer, try to say his name, mention the Nobel Prize (on the plaque), and move on. It made my hear pound as if I was about to give a speech or something. They obviously didn't know who he was before - but then they knew. That's the kind of stuff that makes you proud.

Now all that remains is packing, my most dreaded of enemies after waiting.

A bientot, Paris, I'll see you around.

Interview
Here are the questions that I took from Andrew's website, which he took from the Actor's Studio show. My answers are given, obviously.

What is your favorite word?
Panties.

What is your least favorite word?
Props.

What turns you on?
Opportunities.

What turns you off?
Toilet humor.

What sound or noise do you love?
When the water cooler hiccups

What sound or noise do you hate?
Whatever wakes me up.

What is your favorite curse word?
Idiot.

What profession other than yours would you like to undertake?
A musician.

What profession would you not like to attempt?
Trash picker.

If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
Thank God your finally here! I was SO bored!

The Final Countdown
Paris kicked me in the balls yesterday - hard - trying to get me to leave here with a bad impression of the place. It was really a test of patience and will. I believe I came through all right. I'm here and I still like the city. So there.

Andrew was right. Girls with something special between their ears are extremely attractive.

It's a beautiful day in Paris today. Hot but beautiful.

Dan Brown and Politics
I was at a bookstore yesterday and noticed that they had the NY Times bestseller chart on the wall. Turns out Dan Brown is making a shitload of money off his old books, the ones before the DaVinci code. I imagine it's the same effect that Silmarillion and The Hobbit (and the rest of them) went through when Lord of the Rings came out in movie format. I know I wanted to read more and more about hobbits and stuff after that book. But so I saw his books there and decided to flip throught them, to compare and see what they were like. Digital Fortress, Angels and Demons, and I think there's one more. I came away feeling like there was a formula to every one of his books. Sure, it's still hard work to do all the research that he does, but I still can't shake that feeling. Every book has a prologue where someone is about to and then dies, but in that last moment of their lives they do something (revealed later) so as to leave a sign for whoever finds him and knows. And then the story starts. Then I wondered why these books didn't do so good until DaVinci code. Why did that particular book catapult him into stardom? I don't know yet, but I imagine that it has to do with the whole religious fervor that was and still is going on. Passion of the Christ was going to come out, 9/11, etc. I don't know, I'm reaching for answers. Maybe it has to do with the different topics, maybe DaVinci code was just more appealing or controversial or whatever. Either way, Dan Brown is set for life and he will continue to write his formulaic novels that will sell millions of copies. Yes, it's simple writing. Yes, a lot of critics hate it because it isn't what they call "literature". Yes, a lot of us hated ourselves for liking it (the new Ice Cube?). I really really liked it, but I always follow that phrase with a "but..." Am I jealous? Oh incredibly, he has millions of people reading what he wrote. Of course we're all jealous.

There is this chart on the `Net that describes the three candidates and their views on a few key issues. I read it and felt really bummed out. Nader has the kind of firm, real solutions that are needed. Nader is the obvious choice, but he won't even be considered. How sad. I can't imagine the turn that the country would take if a man like that were to become president. Can you imagine all the corporate hot shots wetting their diapers? Oh god it would be great. It's a clear case of so close yet so far away. Why doesn't he have a chance? Not enough money? Does the majority of America not agree with him? Do they not want to accept his ideas because they don't realize the gravity of their country's predicament? What a shame. Even bigger because even I won't vote for him because right now all I'm interested in is in getting Bush out. Then we can start the overhaul of the system. Sorry Ralph. All you can do now is try and establish some long term plan so that your successor has a chance in the future. A real shame.

I read the Al Sharpton speech, the one he gave during the Dem Convention and it's so dumb to hear him praising Kerry and oh how great he is and what a great man and president Kerry when just a few months ago they were all clawing at each other to try and become the candidate to represent the party. So fucking stupid. Politics is a fucked up place, it makes absolutely no sense.

Baseball
The New York Mets are going to be the poster-child for the next generation of Texas Rangers teams out there. Lots of money being spent and nothing to show for it. They traded away their two best minor league pitchers (Kazmir was hailed as the best minor league pitcher) in order to acquire some guys who will be getting big pay increases come offseason time. All for what? They aren't going to make it to the post-season. No chance. So they get Zambrano who walks way too many guys and has a decent 4.40-ish ERA and Kris Benson who has a career .500-ish winning percentage and a career ERA around 4.22. Benson will be a free agent and Zambrano is arbitration eligible, which means they will want to sign them after giving up the guys that they gave up. Sometimes you just throw your hands up and wonder what the hell they were thinking. Sucks to be a Met fan right now.

It's sad to see how Nomar Garciaparra's career ended in Boston. Having been there for four and a half years and following the team, it's a real shame. It's sad that they would talk badly about him after trading him despite him being an idol in Boston. He truly was a god there and now the front office takes shots at him to defend their move to trade him. Terribly sad to see it end that way. But hey, I'm a Cubs fan, so welcome aboard and lets try to go all the way.

Less than a week to go before I leave Paris and head back "overseas".

Yes OK I'm glad that the Cubs got Nomar Garciaparra, it makes them infinitely better. And credit to GM Jim Hendry for getting so much in exchange for so little. BUT, it goes back to that piece in the writings section on Steinbrenner. I don't like all these changes. The team loses its identity. Nomar at SS, Aram at 3B, Walker at 2B, Lee at 1B, Barrett at C, Maddux pitching. Is it a better team? Sure. Is it still the Cubs? I guess so, but not really. It makes me really uncomfortable to think of what will happen in a few years if this trend isn't stopped. A cap on trades like Al Leiter proposed sounds good to me. Something. Or maybe fans are too obsessed with the trade deadline for that to happen. I should know, I'm one of them.

Quelle violence!
OK so I tried to read Ulysses while I was in Rome. I forgot to take Heart of darkness and when Sabato's book was done I was left stranded without anything to read. IDIOT! So I had to go out and buy a book. I wanted a small book, a quick read, something easy and light. Why? Weight issues with my luggage, space too. So what did I do? Bought Ulysses. DUMB! I know but I got halfway (not even) and quit. Not for me. You need to read a book to understand that book, and I don't dig that. It's an amazing book and a tribute to Joyce, I'll say that much, but it's just not for me. Maybe I'll be up for it in a few years but not now. So I traded it in for Midair once back in Paris, and I'm happy about that.

I wrote this page and a half thingy called blind patriots, I thought about putting it on here since I don't think anyone reads the rest of the site, but it feels like it belongs in the writings section. Plus I haven't posted anything over there in forever (I haven't been typing up at all). But so a compromise and i'll paste it here for everyone to see as well as in the writings section. I wrote it after my second viewing of Fahrenheit 9/11.



Blind Patriots

So I've been trying to understand why so many people got (and still get) so incredibly mad whenever someone objects to what the administration says, more specifically the president (they like to call him their "commander in chief"). For the longest time I couldn't figure it out. Why would disagreeing with authority be labeled as un-American or un-patriotic? Why would someone be "on their side" for questioning the president?

I don't know a whole lot about the details under which this country (USA) was founded. I know the basics, so if I say anything incorrect or just plain wrong please forgive my ignorance. But, as I understand it, the way it works is that one of the most appealing things about this country is that you have the right (some would say the obligation) to express your opinion no matter what it is. Many countries are jealous and would love to have this (functionally, not just in theory).

So every time I heard the uber-patriots yell in disgust at people who questioned some of the president's moves - well, I was confused. They had their little American flags and were somehow under the impression that to be American is to blindly (that's the best way I can describe it, sorry it's true) support whatever the current authority says and wave a flag around. Of course the obligatory "but of course I support the troops."

I think I've found a parallel that may help you too understand how their minds are working, because some of you may feel the way I do. Hopefully.

It's a sports analogy, so many of you should be able to relate. If you follow a specific sports team fervently, then I'm sure you've gone through what I'm about to explain. I am a huge Cubs fan. I follow them fanatically (jokers would say religiously, the irony of it all) and my humor has been known to fluctuate proportionally to how the Cubs do. And it's happened many times -especially during particularly stressful times of the season, like the playoffs- when a player or manager says something to the press that is going to cause a distraction to the team. Keep them from winning the games that are so urgently needed to be won. It happens every year in baseball. During the playoffs someone will bring up their contract status, hint that they aren't happy, complain about another player, etc. And I know many other fans that have reacted in the exact same way as I have.

Picture it, it's game three of the World Series and your team is down two games to none. You need to focus and win the next game or else it's pretty much all done. You open up the paper only to read that your star shortstop feels like he hasn't been treated properly the whole season and that he would prefer to hit 4th instead of his usual 3rd in the lineup.

Me: "WHY ARE YOU SAYING THIS NOW???? COULDN'T YOU HAVE PLEASE WAITED UNTIL THIS IS ALL OVER? FOCUS ON WINNING RIGHT NOW, SHUT UP!!!"

And that's when it hit me, "that's awfully similar to what the blind patriots are saying to people like me when we discuss our differing opinions on what the US government is doing in the world today.

And I thought, "hmm."
And I think it's a valid comparison except for the almighty `but' that has to be inserted in there somewhere. A major league baseball team isn't a democracy composed of all of it's fans. It wasn't founded on that. Plus, it's only a game of little consequence (except for some key economic things that have little to do with these complaints). A country and war is a whole different deal.

I understand the whole idea of backing your team to the end. We have to win, it's my team, I'm backing them until the end. I get it. But you have to have a line. A line that - once crossed- you stop and say, "Ok that's enough." If you don't have that line then you are a tool that gets used for other people's ends. If you have that line than I should hope that you see it's been crossed. If not, what are you waiting for?

Yes, Go team and all that. But I have no problem criticizing my team when it's doing wrong, no matter what the circumstances are. Why? Because this is for real, this isn't a game. People are dying here. Wake up and smell the blood. This is the real deal. Put your flags down and use your brains for a second. That's what this country was founded on.

Roma
Now Playing: Rap
I'll in be in Rome when you read this. No it will not self destruct in 10 seconds...or will it.

So how do the french do it? Perhaps Andrew, you have the answer? Perhaps not. Perhaps there is no answer and it was meant to remain a mystery until the end of time. How do they chill at expensive cafes so often? How do they manage to spend so much time on their tans? How do they manage to buy such nice clothing that must obviously be expensive? How can they do all this when salaries here are supposedly so lame and everything is so expensive? (I can vouch for the expensive part, especially with the dollar being in the trash right now). How how how? It makes no sense to me. It makes me feel like doing the thing with my hand that Gus and Rory made fun of me for when we talked about religion.

And forget about the salary thing if you want because I don't know that for a fact, but even still how do these people do it? Is it just that there are so many people in Paris that the upper class is so big that it seems like the wealth is spread equally and everyone can afford to do as they please? How can they pay seven euros ($10) for a beer at a cafe? I don't care how long you sit there and read your book or your papers (which is great), but seven euros? These numbers pile up, I assure you. This place is very expensive.

You really should go check out Andrew's web page, Tomorrow is a Harsh Mistress, the link is up on the left there, that's right click it. Today I read that his dream job is to be a writer living in Paris. The answers he gave to those questions from that TV show (let's be as vague as possible = sorry but my memory really does suck) revealed some things I didn't know. Nothing major, just curious stuff. I'll post the questions and I'll answer them myself. I like those games. Makes me feel famous and that someone wants to know about me.

But two particular answers I want to address. I feel kind of bad for not emailing him directly and pointing them out, but I don't work that way. To the question of what turns him on he answered "an intelligent girl" which made me want to yak. Come on man! I know what turns you on and it isn't that! (can I be more gay?) I thought it was a kind of "hey look at me" type answer, but that's just me. Maybe he wrote it with a big smile on his face. A wink perhaps? Tell the world your dirty little secret!

Ok and one other thing that just kind of reminded me of another thing (my english sounds like my french today, terrible and full of the word "thing" (truc or chose)). Andrew really loves Paris. I mean genuinely loves this city. He would be willing to move here and live here and the whole deal. Me? Noooo... Sorry to disappoint my good friend but I could not live in this city. In the outskirts, maybe. In the country side, perhaps. But not likely. In Paris itself? Hell no. Like all other big cities (I can hear him already yelling "but Chicago is...." etc), it's just too dirty, crowded, cold, and so forth. Think New York city here. Everything is too small. Everything is too expensive. I couldn't afford to "settle down" here and try to live my "normal" life. It's a great place to visit. Paris is a whore, and there's a big difference between an occasional visit and marrying the bitch. Imagine being married to a working whore? Damn. It's still beautiful, don't get me wrong. But to live...ce n'est pas pour moi. Pas mon truc.

So yeah I feel like I've ragged or whatever on Andrew. Discard it and take it as playful weblog banter, which is pretty sad too.

Oh yeah my musical education continues. Rap, yes, but I'm extending it -unknowingly- into other genres. I really listened to Sublime's "What I got" yesterday and damn, that is a great song. I mean really great. I'm listening to it now. A great song for me in particular, a person prone to depressions and ups and downs that are really not as bad as they sound. You can feel the creative juice in that song. This is the stuff I aspire to. To make people feel what I'm feeling right now as I listen to Sublime's "what I got". An achievable goal? So far I'm aiming to do it with writing, so we'll keep that in mind.

Anther great song I've discovered or re-discovered:
Enrique Bunbury - El Extranjero

Ok that's it for today, a very strange entry that feels very off and strange. Maybe it's the fact that I got drunk last night (around a 7) for the first time in a LONG time. Perhaps my internal chemistry is all out of whack. Maybe my body is now detoxified after the one year binge in guatemala and now is feeling like "oh shit no here he goes again."

Worry not my fair body, it was merely a random thing that "just happened". We won't ever fall into that business again.

He said.